Humility has always been very elusive to me. Every time there is a meeting on it I cringe and last night was no different. It came to my turn and I voiced my standard response... "I don't like this topic because I don't understand humility." Through the years many people have told me that it doesn't matter if I understand what matters is if I have it and they assure me that I do have humility.
Here is Webster's definition of humble ....
"1: not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive 2: reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission (a humble apology) 3 a: ranking low in a hierarchy or scale" According to this there is nothing humble about me. I am a strong woman with a voice and am proud of where I am at today and will share it with you. I also have no problems with being assertive, having and keeping healthy boundaries. The word submission makes my skin crawl as I gag! I also know that I am a daughter of my Cosmic Muffin and don't crawl before anyone, guess that takes care of that low ranking.
There is a saying... "When the student is ready the teacher will appear." This morning I was the student and the teacher was my husband. He knows the frustration I feel with this topic and stayed up till 3am finding something/anything that would help me. Low and behold in the 12x12... a book that I have read many many times through out the years has my answer... "Another often great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility--a word misunderstood. To those who have made progress in A.A., it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. When I read this a choir of angels started singing and the heavens opened up and a brilliant light flooded over me. I GET IT!!!
Today I know who and what I am, I also take the actions necessary to become the woman I know I can be. I don't have to give up my assertiveness, or let go of my boundaries. I can be a daughter of my Cosmic Muffin and know I am loved. Most important, I don't have to silence my voice and give up what I know to be true and right for me to submit my life and will to something I don't agree with. Humility gives me the room to grow and make mistakes one day at a time.
About Me
- Anna
- I am a fun loving person that likes to capture all of life's many moments on film. I can be childish and silly... yet have this depth within my soul that scares me at times. I am deeply spiritual (not religious) with a sick and twisted sense of humor. I have been given a new life with sobriety and try to love the best I can one day at a time. I know today that I am a daughter of God and am loved and can share that love with others. I have realized that life isn't so much about things ... it's about all the wonderful relationships in my life. I have been gifted with a beautiful baby girl and a son that has overcome many obstacles in his life so far... both are winners in my book. My greatest challenge has been to overcome the hundred forms of fear that lurks in my mind. My childhood was a place of darkness... today I don't regret the past nor do I want to shut the door on it. I am the woman I am today because of my past and I love the compassion, understanding and strength it has given to me.
2 comments:
WOW......they must have rewritten that book since i read it last....I swear that definition is not in there. It sure makes things so very simple. I spend way too much time trying to complicate such simple concepts. Thanks once again for clearing a path for me to follow. Love ya lots!
Humility has been my downfall on many occasions. Once I start thinking I'm "about something" I know I'm setting myself up for disaster. Thanks for reminding me.
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