Boundaries

Our boundaries and selves develop and emerge as we grow in self-confidence, interact with healthy people, and gain clearer ideas about what's appropriate and what isn't. The more we grow in recovery, the better we'll become at setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries is about learning to take care of ourselves, no matter what happens, where we go, or who we're with. Boundaries emerge from deep decisions about what we believe we deserve and don't deserve. Boundaries emerge from the belief that what we want and need, like and dislike, is important. Boundaries emerge from a deeper sense of our personal rights, especially the right we have to take care of ourselves and to be ourselves.
Boundaries emerge as we learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves. the goal of having and setting boundaries isn't to build thick walls around ourselves. the purpose is to gain enough security and sense of self to get close to others without the threat of losing ourselves, smothering them, trespassing, or being invaded. boundaries are the key to loving relationships.
When we have a sense of self, we'll be able to experience closeness and intimacy. we'll be able to play, be creative, and be spontaneous. We'll be be able to love and be loved.
~Co-dependency and Beyond

Boundaries have been such a blessing in my life today. When I was out drinking I couldn't afford boundaries. I wanted or needed something you had, I needed your acceptance, so I would be or do what I thought would make you happy so I could feed my selfishness. I didn't love and respect you because I didn't have any love or respect for myself. What little values I was given as a child I slowly let go of as my bottoms got darker and lower.

Then I came to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was able to feel love in your hands as you reached out to gather me from my despair. All a sudden using people for my selfish desires didn't feel so good. I still was so lost not knowing what to do. You told me to make friends with a HP that I understood...in time I was able to grow, have faith and believe in a HP that loved me. I learned that self esteem comes from esteemable acts ... not from me trying to please you. I was finally able to make some first steps with putting the love of my HP into action... an awkward hug here, a warm smile there.


Then came the day I was able to say I love you and I love me enough to be honest with you and true to myself. I was able to define the woman I wanted to be and start walking on that path. I learned to say no when it was important and yes when it was needed. I was able to hang up the leather jacket and take off the biker boots and become the soft sensitive woman that I have always been but was too afraid to show. I have become the strong loving daughter of God that I was born to be.

Today I have the security I yearned for. I am able to love you in the best of times and love you through the worst of times without losing myself in the process. I am able to teach other women and my children with my actions what boundaries are and how they bring needed peace and contentment to our lives. Today I can respect the boundaries you give to me and still share intimacy with you.