"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

This song, since the moment that I heard it touched a place within so deeply. Come to find out she wrote this song about her father...boy can I relate. When we live in a world of dysfunction and pain the last thing we want to do is love and trust another. I lived so many years of my life hiding behind the walls that I had built. Walls hell it was a self imposed prison where there wasn't even a visiting day. Throughout this past year I have been trying my best to live on the outside of these walls. Talk about scary. I allowed a visitor that was equally as hurt and confused with all that life had to offer him. I fell in love with him like I have with no other. Today it feels a grave mistake for he needs a guarantee that I won't be like the others...that I won't hurt him. My head tells me ...life is a risk, and anything worth having is worth taking a risk for...was he worth that risk...when all is said and done yes. The things that I have learned are amazing. Yes it hurts to pay for the sins of others...yet I've made others pay the very same price. One of the things I've learned is that there are no guarantees in this life. I can live painfully safe within the dark damp walls I have built or I can have a life that is colorful and rich, filled with real laughter and true friends...even love. There are moments of hurt and pain but the darkness of my past is gone no more do I have to deny myself or others. I am a free woman and it does feel good. Today I will step off the sidewalk and cross the street...that is where life truly is.