Commitment~

I was asked a few days ago..."with all that you fear about commitment, can you make one?" My answer to this of course was..."Define commitment." I have been asked this same questions many times throughout my life and I desire to someday say either yes or no. I do have to give myself some credit...I didn't run from the "C" talk like normally I do, I was able to stay in that moment and define what I thought commitment was and what I would be willing to commit to.

I found myself needing to know what commitment really ment. this has brought me to searching somewhere other then my thoughts and feelings. I found this definition ~
commitment 2 a : an agreement or pledge to do something in the future; especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b : something pledged c : the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled...

I did notice that my question... "define commitment" wasn't too far off after all its a pledge to do "something" ...what is that something?

I found the word impelled rather scary so I looked that up too ~
impel 1 : to urge or drive forward or on by or as if by the exertion of strong moral pressure : FORCE
2 : to impart motion to

After seeing that this "impelled" was driven by an urge (I understand that urge to come from within) I found it less scary. Finally I looked up intimacy~
Intimacy is the essence of love and friendship—a closeness made up of sharing and understanding—of knowing another person and being known. When sex and intimacy have no “shoulds” and “should nots,” when we allow ourselves to let go of our inhibitions, of our considerations—when we are not afraid of being vulnerable, off guard, or not in control—something becomes available; we are vibrant and alive. We experience a freedom to be.

I balk at words such as vulnerable, not in control. Heaven forbid I let another "know" me and let go of my inhibitions, and considerations. Took me a few times to not read over..."we are not afraid..." Yet when I am with you (you know who you are) I am intimate... I have been able to surrender to the powerless feelings within me and share all the many moments good and bad. So the question became if I am already able to experience this with you, why am I afraid?

I am afraid at feeling so powerless... love is the ultimate power. I try and control love wanting it to bring me inner peace. I have a need to know...what is this, what will happen next. As we all know love is not like that. So many tell me this is just something I cant control. I guess the way I have tried to control love is through commitment.

The real questions become... can I love and not run from it, can I surrender to all that love is and why is it I run when I desire to have love in my life?

Isn't it funny that by searching for the truth it seems that even more questions come up?

I also found this about commitment ~

There are three key elements needed to get commitment:
Understanding
Agreement
Personal interest
Let look at each of these. Understanding is where it all starts. If we don't understand what is expected, it is impossible to be committed. The problem is, people don't always like to admit it when they don't understand. That's why it is good ask for examples, fill in details, and dig deeper to determine the level of understanding. The opposite of understanding is assumption. We assume but we don't check it out. Getting everyone to understand sounds easy, but it is not and it takes time.

Agreement leads to action. Don't confuse silence for agreement. If you assume agreement when it is not there, you will eventually have to deal with the truth. Agreement is hard to get. It may be tentative in the beginning and may take time to develop, especially if we are dealing with something new. Understanding is objective and easy to test. Agreement is more subjective. You cannot force it. You have to encourage, support and let it grow.

If you want true commitment, ask yourself if you are willing to invest the time and effort to develop understanding and agreement. If not, you are setting yourself up for phony commitment and failure when things get difficult.

Personal interest is the third element and it has tremendous power. It adds the passion for actually making things happen. We call this personal interest. This does not mean being selfish. You may have heard of “What’s In It For Me” (WIIFM)? Many people think that without a WIIFM, there cannot be full commitment. Personal interest goes beyond this. It is what gets you up in the morning and gets you moving. For each of us it could be a different thing. Personal interest leading to commitment is far more complex than just offering a cash bonus. Yes, there are some people who will work hard for more money, but others may be completely unmotivated by it. Find out what people really want.

This is about commitment in the work place but I thought it great for commitment in personal relations also. I am thankful that I was asked about the "c" word. I feel much more confident in what ever answer I may give. I have also learned its not as simple as yes or no.