Serenity Prayer

God grant me the "Serenity" to accept the things I cannot change
the "Courage" to change the things I can
and the "Wisdom" to know the difference

Introduction-"GOD-grant me..." A central feature of alcoholism, is the deterioration of relationships, withdrawal into self, and progressive isolation of its victims. As the parameters of alcoholism grow beyond all measures of normalcy and good sense, the victim hides his secret compulsion from the critical eye of family and friends. Even God is avoided, since his penetrating gaze has a way of peeling away self-delusion, breaking through denial and unmasking the painful truth that leads to self discovery and personal growth. Covertness and deceit continue to erode relationships, by introducing doubt and suspicion, until little is left and the alcoholic is virtually isolated from both God and humanity, in a prison of self hate and despair. Out of this "Black Hole" of human degradation, the anguished alcoholic soul cries out the opening words of the Serenity Prayer: "GOD grant me," letting go of the grandiose illusion of self sufficiency, and the equally destructive, inferiority provoking illusion that all depends on self. With these words, we acknowledge that we are not the center of the universe -- that there is an Other -- "a power greater than ourselves." Furthermore, a practical implication of this belief in a Higher Power is the realization that "I am not It"; or as a member of AA lightheartedly put it:"You don't have to believe there is a God to be part of the program. All you have to believe in is that YOU are not God!" Finally, the words "grant me" are not intended to change God's mind, but rather to change ourselves so that we have the humility to ask for and the gratitude to receive what we so desperately lack: Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom.
The Surrender Steps (1,2,3) - "Serenity to accept the things I cannot change" In the downward spiral of alcoholism, the more alcoholic we become-the more control we try to exercise, and ironically, the more control we try to exercise- the more alcoholic we become. As alcoholism takes root and grows in strength, we attempt to resist it through will power by limiting our consumption, and "managing our disease." We fail and break promises made to ourselves, and possibly others. We experience the pain of being demoralized and ashamed. Then, to relieve this discomfort we consume more-only to become more alcoholic, so that our very attempts at control become the very driving force of our alcoholism. This is the experience of "powerlessness" referred to in Step One. Concurrently, the alcoholic begins to experience the pain of loss, or anticipated loss. Loss of drivers license, job, freedom(because of arrest),friends, marriage or family, finances, and health are just some of the mounting losses that can bring pain into the alcoholics life and lead to what is commonly called "a bottom"- a certain threshold where accrued pain has reached the point of being intolerable. It is this experience that is referred to in Step One, as un-manageability. Once we have discovered that we do not have the power to resist the force of the alcoholism, only two choices are possible. One is to be totally engulfed by despair and consider suicide, as the ultimate means of control-to end the pain and even the journey. The other option continues the journey and leads us to Step Two -- to consider the possibility that there may be "a power greater than ourselves,"and to begin to search for and to define intellectually what that "power" might be. It begins with the simple recognition that we need help and are willing to turn outside ourselves for that help. Some experience it, for the first time, in the power of the group, others may recover an earlier lost belief in a well defined Higher Power, still others may remain agnostic or atheistic, but for all, the main task of Step Two entails a search with our minds for something beyond ourselves to believe in. The pivotal task in Step Three is to complete the process of surrender by bringing our heart along with our head. It is the decision to entirely entrust ourselves to the God of our understanding, finally letting go of our ego-driven need to control. In summary, this incremental surrender consists of three stages:

Step 1: Experiencing the fact that we do not have the power to resist the force of alcoholism.

Step 2: Discovering that there is "a power greater than ourselves".

Step 3: Entirely entrusting ourselves to that Power, in the God of our understanding. This process of surrender forms the very bedrock of recovery, and is inspired and sustained by the petition of the Recovery Prayer:"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change."

The most serious threats to future sobriety are not the external temptations that unexpectedly fall across one's path , but rather the interior ghosts that haunt us and subtly gnaw away at our self-esteem. The shame engendered by memories of the damage we have done to ourselves and others, as well as the resentments we harbor in memories of the damage others have done to us – corrode our self worth and can seriously sabotage our best intentions of leading a sober life. The purpose of The Paired Action Steps is to guide us through a spiritual process by which we can make peace with our past, put it behind us, and begin a new sober life. Instead of being victims of our past, we are empowered by our Higher Power to free ourselves of it's tyranny. In summary, this process of healing the past also consists of three stages:

Steps 4 and 5: Identifying the ghosts; taking them out of the shadows of our head and heart and placing them in the light of day: detaching from them by writing them out, sharing them with another person, and putting them in God's hands.

Steps 6 and 7: Recognizing our constant need for God, as we encounter further powerlessness over our character defects; having the humility to ask God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves, and to have the gratitude to receive His deliverance

Steps 8 and 9: Identifying our victims, as well as those against whom we bear grudges, assessing the damage, making appropriate amends, being willing both to forgive, as well as to seek forgiveness. The spiritual dynamics of these Paired Action Steps are inspired and sustained by the correlating petition of the Serenity Prayer: "God grant me the Courage to change the things I can."

In a certain sense, there are really only nine Steps. The last three Maintenance Steps merely summarize the first nine and provide the spiritual direction to live out "The Program of Recovery" on a day-to-day basis, incorporating all of the spiritual dynamics set forth above, in a daily threefold regimen of renewal:

Step 10: A Summary of The Paired Action Steps: daily inventory, identifying victims, assess damage, make amends, ask for deliverance.

Step 11: A Summary of The Surrender Steps: daily prayer and meditation to discern God's will and to surrender to it, in all things.

Step 12: A New Intimacy with God and Others: overcoming the isolation caused by alcoholism through a spiritual awakening and sharing.

The final words of The Serenity Prayer provide the key ingredient in maintaining a sober life:"God grant me the Wisdom to know the difference"(between the things I cannot change and the things I can). All alcoholics have two dimensions. The physical compulsion to act out in repetitively destructive ways, and the twofold mental obsession of trying to undo the past out of shame, or trying to control the future out of fear. The Program of Recovery frees us to be at life's cutting edge. As our spiritual journey of recovery continues to unfold in mystery, we are presented with new experiences, in each unfolding moment. In life's odyssey of joy and agony, The Twelve Steps provide us with the spiritual direction to mentally chart our course. The Serenity Prayer touches our hearts and casts light on our path, while the Fellowship offers companionship and the moral support to practice both.

"Peace be with you"
"Be of good spirit"
*borrowed from a friend